Monday, November 15, 2010

Living to my Heart's Theme

         For the past month or so, life has chewed me up, swallowed, and then spit me back up again! Wow, that sentence was dramatic. But life has been painfully hard and interestingly enough, other happenings in life have been far worse, yet I coped better.

        A continuous amount of stress, followed by three independent girls, mixed with guilt of knowing I need to do better, created this dilemma. Basically, Ry is gone before I awake and home just as I put the girls to bed. It feels like Houston life, but at least I have the nighttime with him. I have unpacked at least 20 boxes a week and we are still getting settled (How did I accumulate so much junk?!). Rylie just started a great new preschool. We are in the process of making new friends, finding new places, and all of the other fun adventures that come with moving. We have had strep throat twice. My kitchen sink flooded my house. I have two extremely independent two year olds, who won't let me help them with anything. Their pants are on backwards, shoes on the wrong feet, hair  messy, and if you buckle the car seat for them, you will hear a high pitched squeal, sure to make your ears ring for the next half and hour! And finally, I am trying to be the perfect mother.

        The last sentence, I have come to understand, is the real problem. It's great to try for perfection, but not by someone else's standards. I used to laugh when my girls accidentally spilled their milk and then finger painted in it. When did life get so serious? When did it become so important to be on time? To have a clean house? Clean laundry or healthily feed your family?
The answer: All have always been important.

        So, what did I do? I was losing patience, with no close friendships, or husband to help relieve the stresses of temper tantrum's and daily life. I prayed. My prayers basically consisted of me begging the Lord to help me be patient with my children. I had been carrying a lot of Mommy guilt, and please help me to get more done, plan better, and so on.

      These prayers continued, usually out of guilt for being short with my girls or just barely getting them to bed and then sprinting to the other side of the house so I wouldn't say something rude. It was awful. How come I could make it the previous eight months, only seeing Ry twice a week, sell and move out of my house, and not loose patience with my children!?
    Then, I happened upon my friend Michelle's family blog, A Dash of Falk, blog post called, "The Hubs..." She had posted her husbands written thoughts and other quotes to celebrate this thankful time of year.

I have read many inspirational quotes that have lifted me up in my lifetime. But the quote I read, rang true to my soul. I had forgotten my joy in life and my daily perception had changed without me even realizing it. You wouldn't believe the relief my heart felt to read these words.

            "NEVER let a PROBLEM to be solved, become more important than a PERSON to be LOVED." President Thomas S. Monson.

         Simple isn't it? Yet, my inner passion for life is refreshed, the loves of my life are priority, guilt free, walking to beat of my hearts theme--Love First!

       God answers prayers and amazingly, it has been a lot easier to be on time and survive daily life, now that I am reminded that NOTHING is as important as treating my children, self, and hubs with love.

      This may seem silly and obvious to many reader's, but I challenge you the next time you have a problem to take a look at yourself and see if you are treating the problem with more attention and love than those involved, even if the only person involved is yourself.

       "They do not love, that do not show their love." William Shakespeare.

9 comments:

Pam said...

That was beautiful Brooke. I am thinking about you. I think a lot of us moms see failure in the graham cracker crumbs on the floor, art supplies scattered across the kitchen table, and missing shoes. Thanks for reminder me what is important.

Erika said...

Miss you tons. Think about you guys all the time. Thanks for updating. You're awesome, glad you were reminded. Your genuine love and concern for people, and the way that you extend yourself to others has always been my favorite thing about you.

Nilsson Family said...

Brooke I cried reading that. I think mostly because I think I feel like that quite often as a mom and then I too am always reminded what is really important. Someone made a comment about how messy my car was the other-day and it was nasty but it really is the least of my worries. It really does not matter if I forget to unload the car when I get home, I am too busy making sure the kids get in the house safely. My point is, that I love what you wrote. Our priority is our children and everything else comes second. But for the record I think your an amazing wife and mother. I have never heard you say anything even close to sounding frustrated to your kids. Me on the other hand, not so great in that area. Your such a great example of love and patience and don't feel guilty at all because they all love you so much, you can tell. They are so happy,and they are the sweetest girls I know, they will always be best friends. Brooke, sorry I wrote so much. I want to keep going:) Love you!

Angie said...

You are the best!! I don't think you realize that EVERYONE has had the same feelings at some time or other in their life!
Thanks for reminding me of what is really important!

Brooke said...

Thanks for your comments everyone! My heart is warmed. It's nice to know others can relate too. It's not always the easiest to talk (or write) about,without feeling a little vulnerable sharing your experiences. Thanks for the feedback.

Lindsey S. said...

I so needed that. And you aren't the only one thinking like that. I do it all the time especially right now. So thank you thank you!

Twins Squared said...

Aww - you are so wonderful! We all do that - shoot I know you are a much more patient mom than I am! That says a lot that you went all that time without losing your cool. I am short with my kids more times on any given day than I can count. You are a great mom and I appreciate you writing this blog and for your honesty. Sometimes I feel like all us moms are in it together. Glad things are getting better! We miss you!

Robyn said...

Brooke I just read your post again. I just want you to know how proud I am of you and how much I love you. I will never be able to tell you enough how much I appreciate and admire you. You are a great mom, homemaker and wife. I know the last year has been a really hard one - heck the last three years have been a challenge and you have survived!!! You are amazing!!! I love you!!!

Laurie said...

Loved this post, Brooke! I may not be able to relate to mommy guilt...but the message rings true in all aspects of life. Thanks for sharing!! Miss you guys!